faith, hope & Love

faith, hope & Love

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Thank Y0u Daddy G0d ~_^

Life in the Spirit Seminar!!!
I really really wanna g0. h0wever few days bef0re that. I didn’t plan t0 c0me even th0ugh I was the 0ne wh0 was extremely excited when they ann0unced ab0ut it at the 1st place. H0nestly!!!! I wanna g0 s0 s0 much, h0wever!!!! At the eleventh h0ur!!!! Presentati0n need t0 be d0ne really by Friday. It made me upset and I d0nt think I c0uld finish it. My decision was n0t t0 g0 due t0 the presentati0n which is s0 imp0rtant f0r my gr0up members, meanwhile Jesus of c0z n0 1 but…. [The day bef0re- I still remembered when I was in gathering, I asked beatrine whether I sh0uld g0 0r n0t, she directly said YES! It did really mean a l0t t0 me, as the G0d says YES, y0u sh0uld g0 my dear. Then, I shared with everyb0dy ab0ut my day and s0ng “what if”- what if I cant j0in LSS? I was s0 sad!! All of sudden, Brenda dear sang a s0ng “~G0d will make a way, when there seems t0 be n0 way~” h0nestly, I felt like wanna cry y0u kn0w!!! h0ld y0ur tear~ =D]

I was in dilemma, sh0uld I g0 or n0t??? I need help!!! I need a hand!! A big hand t0 slap me!! Thursday nite d!! burning midnite lamp la “kunun”. S0, I just said a simple prayer “my Guardian dear, please help me t0 settle all these things, I need y0u. In Jesus name, I pray.” w0w.. everyting became very sm0oth and I managed t0 finish my slidesh0w and rep0rt!! H00oorraaayyy… G0d really sh0wed me the way!! He answered my prayer. s0meh0w, I think, all these were planned by Him, my instinct really tell me that daddy G0d really wanted me s0 much t0 g0 there because He g0t s0mething there f0r me. Creepy “what I felt that time"~ haha…

Jude talk!!!

Super duper best! Sy0k! I like like like!! repentance part als0 and healing part!
Yea!!!! Jesus is 0ur healer!! Thank y0u Daddy G0d =D
The rejected heals the rejected.
The loneliness heals the loneliness.
The lost heals the lost.
The pride heals the pride. "f0r me la"

I wanna bring all these to others, I wanna tell them h0w did Daddy G0d healed me.
Questi0n t0 p0nder 0ver “Will y0u ‘humble’ y0urself to God t0 t0uch y0u?” - Jude.

It really struck my heart. The w0rd of humble, I have never though that we need to humble ourselves infront of him. y0u sh0uld!!!!

When talk ab0ut forgiveness right, all I can say that I have a go0d heart, I always f0rgive pe0ple even though h0w bad they all. I’ll just say to Daddy God “0wh… Daddy G0d, I kn0w that y0u just wanna test me is it? Hehehe… just forgive them la although it is hurt, it is m0re hurt if I can’t forgive pe0ple c0z I’ll keep on thinking why they are s0 bad t0ward me “d0nt wanna make ma brain exhausted la”. Everyone sh0uld be f0rgiven. Just imagine if I don’t f0rgive pe0ple, [f0rgive us f0r 0ur sins as we f0rgive th0se] I’m scared that they will n0t forgive me f0r my small mistake. Mistake mistake mistake!!! I’m human though. To err is human, to forgive is divine.

1 thing that really KILLING me ab0ut F0RGIVENESS!!!!!!!

Why I always pray f0r 0thers instead of myself???? I asked many pe0ple ab0ut it.. I am curi0us y0u kn0w. Why?? N0 answers can satisfy me!! Then, bef0re the “inner healing”, I did s0me reflection. All of sudden, I just can’t st0p myself fr0m burst int0 tears, it really PAIN! Seri0usly, it really killin me that time. 0ne thing that I have never f0rgiven was me, myself, I hate myself since my b0th grandma pass away. I kept on blaming myself, why I seld0m pray f0r them bef0re they juz leave me al0ne here? Why G0d didn’t listen t0 my prayer? Why G0d wanna take all the pe0ple wh0 l0ve me s0 deeply ‘my 0wn parents als0 d0nt l0ve me like they did “I guess”’? Why he has never listened t0 me? Why? Why? He t0ok my special grandmaS from me “matrix and last year”. It was a tremend0us pain f0r me t0 accept this, because I d0nt have anyb0dy wh0m very cl0se t0 me and give advices when I have pr0blems, n0t even best friend, b0th are them l0ve me s0 much.. I knew that I’m the apple of their eyes. I’m n0t minta puji, very 0bvi0us bah.. but in pe0ple eyes, I am n0thing~ I always never been n0ticed by pe0ple c0z I used t0 be s0 quite and I have n0b0dy t0 share my burden, I was c0mpletely al0ne, I carried it by myself, all I can d0 was pray pray pray.. every nite I pray r0sary “matrix” h0ping f0r at least friend t0 g0 t0 church, I went church by myself even th0ugh n0 friend, the heart hunger f0r Him, His l0ve and EVERYTHING relate ab0ut him. Never missed f0r gathering and church c0z I knew that He will pr0vide. I Believe in Him. G0d sent them ‘b0th grandma’ t0 l0ve me because he knew that my life is g0ing to be hard <err? Beginner la> like “0ther pe0ple wh0 have that gift also”, perhaps He wants me t0 share my experience, He wants me t0 stand by my 0wn feet, He wants me t0 humble myself, He wants me t0 help 0thers wh0 are having the same pain- heal or share with them, He wants me t0 accept what he had plan f0r my life c0z He always has a better plan f0r every0ne of us. D0 n0t be afraid my dear friends.

I knew already why I always have the p0werful feeling which telling me that I was s0 unw0rthy in Jesus' eyes, it was because I never f0rgive myself f0r what I had d0ne t0ward Him. Pass few years, I ever tried t0 leave Him spiritually and mentally but n0t physically “what am I talking dis? C0rrect ka dis? hehehe” I mean I went church just f0r the sake of the ten c0mmandments, if n0t, n0 way I will g0. Half of me still believe in Him th0ugh half was rebellious. My faith? G0ne… =( I still remembered last year, Lifeliners pray 0ver me due t0 my tremendous Pain g0ne crazy, I felt s0 n0b0dy, I have n0b0dy d. I felt wanna kill myself, during that time, all I can tell à in progressing of c0mmit suicide. N0t only my pr0blem that I have t0 carry, 0ther pe0ple pr0blem suddenly bec0me my pr0blem, it was last year which really burden me if im n0t mistaken, many pr0blems juz attacked me, I wasn’t have many pr0blems th0ugh. Can y0u imagine the pr0blems that wasn’t y0urs and suddenly bec0me apart of y0u. @_@’’’??? I have had many pr0blems ok, shoo shoo.. My pr0blem was m0re seri0us and I was al0ne t0 carry it, why that time?? Can y0u aim f0r the right time? N0 was y0ur answer.. 0k, fine. I’ll just f0ll0w the rhythm of this pathetic life à last time th0ught. Hahaha.. it was s0 me.

Back to the track..
I hate myself f0r treating G0d like that even th0ugh He has never leave me al0ne, He always be with me, it was juz me, blinded by the REALITY. I sh0uld love Him instead of leaving him spirituality. Besides, I have j0ined many camps recently and s0 funny that I didn’t n0tice that I was actually d0nt l0ve myself, I cant forgive myself. Waa… s0und ridiculous yea.. hahaha.. apalah me dis~

The inner healing nite~

“I surrender myself t0 be healed and 0ne thing that I sh0uld d0 bef0re I can f0rgive 0thers sincerely is f0rgive myself”

I can feel the presence of G0d’s l0ve, he forgives me, He is s0 real!! He is my healer, He is my sweetheart and He is my EVERYTHING. As I can remembered, he whispered t0 me

 “Dear my children, y0u are mine, I am y0urs, take my hand and y0u’ll never be al0ne because I’ll be there f0r y0u, d0 remember this promise and never let me g0”. His L0ve is s0 infinite huge!!!

All I can feel was the H0ly Spirit really inside of me, during pray f0r each 0ther, Brenda, aiwen and me, I really felt that H0ly Spirit anointed me and f0r the first time in my life as I let H0ly Spirit take c0ntr0l in my prayer, it was a really n0t me, n0rmally, I’ll make my prayer as sh0rt as I can, I’ll say whatever my mind then d0ne. h0wever, that night really special for me, I manage t0 pray s0 c0nfidently and delivered G0d’s message t0 them, I can’t believe that!! I did it!! I have the c0urage and H0ly spirit really guide me!! Super duper happy!! Holy Spirit I L0ve y0u!!!!!

After that sessi0n, w0w… I felt s0 great, free, all the burdens… zaaapppp… hehe… g0ne la dude ^^

Then, with Nick went meet br0 eagen ^^ w0w… sis Melinda ^^ w0w… praise the L0rd!!! I was s0 happy that night. Dunn0 why, sharinG is carinG, carinG is lovE, lovE is everythinG ^^. If I shared y0ur pr0blem means I cared ab0ut y0u, why I cared f0r y0u dear G0d’s pe0ple? It is because I l0ve y0u like Daddy G0d loves you; G0d is love which mean G0d is everything. ^^ “I still remembered all the pe0ple there: br0 eagen, sis Melinda, nick, Daniel, daniels0n, eldrige, Elaine and me” juz shared and chit chat…

H0nestly, I doubted ab0ut the gift that G0d has given me, is it f0r REAL?? N0t only the gift, the feeling of Guardian Angel is just next t0 me and s0metimes at my back and s0metimes embrace me with wings and s0metimes pray with me, I can see my Guardian Angel als0, s0metimes.. I d0ubted all these feeling. I just knew ab0ut Guardian Angel last year, and the presence is s0 real. I still remembered, back t0 matrix, during I prayed f0r my late grandma wh0 suddenly str0k, I felt the presence of big creature was standing with a prayer hand, praying s0 hard next t0 my right hand side, I just burst int0 tears. I don’t kn0w what was it. Till t0day, I still c0uldnt f0rget ab0ut it. Frankly, I d0nt kn0w, th0ugh that m0ment really precious to me knew that I wasn’t alone. BIG QUESTION MARK F0R DADDY G0D. I d0ubt… I mean after the “inner healing” nite. Perhaps the next day Daddy G0d will answer me. H0pefully.
~I really can feel the “tangible love” of Daddy G0D~

I can see all the faces in his imagine!! Especially when y0u all smile!!! ~melt~ I am s0 in l0ve with Daddy G0d. I am s0 exaggerate dis!! Hahaha.. I can feel his L0ve is s0 real when y0u all hugs me and say that Jesus L0ves y0u. I can feel Him inside of y0u all. W0w.. w0w…. w0w.. Praise his Name!! Jesus!! I l0ve y0u Jesus and Your nati0n =) y0u all! 1 thing that I really sure!! He will never aband0n u and leave y0u juz like that f0r He is s0 REAL!!!!  I wanna sing f0r HIM F0REVER!!! JESUS, I LOVE Y0U!! Y0u give me c0urage!! I feel s0 ALIVE f0r the first time in my life!!! Wwwwww0000wwwwww… great!!! I wanna live acc0rding t0 y0ur will and n0t mine, I surrender my life f0r y0u because y0u are the reas0n I live, I PR0MISE L0RD ^_~. Without y0u in my life, im n0thing.

Daddy G0d, thank y0u f0r sent me Brenda dear t0 be my super duper sweet ro0mate >,<v thru her sharing between b0th us really meaningful, l0vely, w0nderful, sweet and fantastic. Praise the L0rd f0r the enc0untered with Brenda which was acc0rding t0 Y0ur planned L0rd, Brenda dear!!! I L0VE Y0U DEAR. JESUS L0VES Y0U.  1 thing that i learnt fr0m her kan, she said, let us seek the KINGD0M of G0D first and after that all what we ask or wateva "life" will be sm0oth just acc0rding t0 His will and He will never aband0n us. Sweet sweet sweet~ i like like like~ smile smile smile~ G0d will pr0vide ^_~v 

y0u all wanna kn0w??? hahaha... if d0nt want, i want als0 t0 tell! thank y0u f0r all wh0 had shared their experience in G0d, h0w their life change. I was s0 t0uched with all sharing that time. G0d really t0uch their heart, and changed their life! Praise the L0rd!!! me als0 wannnnnnaa share...... i was s0 excited during that time, my heart p0unding s0 fast, extra0rdinary fast. H0ly Spirit in me ^^ and their fire in me reallyyy waaa... i wanna share, h0wever, t0o many pe0ple wanna share and d mike juz went ar0und that area ='( s0bs.. s0bs.. waaa,,,,, times up... i was s0 sad.... wawawa... i ran t0ward Brenda... wawawa... I juz hugs her la with d0t d0t d0t... ='( hahahaha... kerezey 0wh me.. dat als0 sedih.. apalah.... the fire bah dat.. ish3....

I am infinity happy!!!!!!!!!!! happpyyyy.... hahahappppppyyyyyy.... Thank y0u Daddy G0d. I will humble myself t0 receive and serve y0u pe0ple ^^. Daddy G0d's planned f0r me thru this camp, waaaaaa... hebatlah.... Praise the L0rd. Thank y0u Daddy G0d my beautiful savi0ur f0r all sweet, cute and w0nderful friends "all of them yang j0in that camp 0f c0z ^_~v." thank y0u Jude, Felix, Yv0nne, Brenda, Anne, Beatrine, Stef, Rose, Pat, Debz, Arwen, Angela, Melinda, Debbie, Pricilla, Datina, Elaine, Nick, Jon, Daniel, Daniels0n, Eagen, Teddy, Lawrence, Edrige, Daniel Khoo, Sharlene, Fenny, 3 little y0ung super saiya, D0r0thy and all of y0u la... i feel s0 blessed dis with y0u all~ yeay!!! i like that feeling~

Bapa, ke dalam tanganMu akanku serahkan hidupku. Pakailah diriku ini dalam kerajaanMu sesuai dengan kehendakMu. kasih Tuhan sungguh indah, melebihi dari segalanya. Engkaulah Alpha dan 0mega. Holy Spirit captivates my s0ul, and everyday I grow t0 love the H0ly spirit m0re, y0u h0ld my life in y0ur hand. 

p/s: s0rry dis, juz wanna share dis, ma w0rds als0 tunggang langgang d~ 

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