I’m so damnly fall in l0ve this s0ng “since last year”, h0wever every time I hear this s0ng, my chest feel s0 heavy, extremely heavy, my tears started to burst. It is killin’ me s0metimes cuz 0nly me, can feel it, I d0nt think any 0ther family member n relatives will feel such thing eventh th0ugh they are very cl0se except me n my Grandad. But, i d0nt think that I can feel my Grandad’s sadness with0ut her ar0und. All I can say is “I miss her” I miss my late grandma.. I can’t bear this feeling, never ever and f0rever. This feeling has bec0me apart of my life, she will always with me, she is apart of me, always appear in my dreams as well. Always! That’s the pr0mise that was made l0ng time ag0. I’m livin’ in l0neliness with0ut her l0ve. N0b0dy can replace her place. N0 0ne can. S0meh0w, I can feel her existences, very near, very near t0 me. Especially when I prayed, sleep I can feel her embraced. Yea, I did. Can y0u tell me why is it? It is because I miss her s0 much? There are many questi0ns that I wanna ask G0d but I d0nt have the 0pp0rtunity. Never have. S0metimes, I blame Him! I’m so selfish!!! Indeed. I admit it. Questi0ns 4 G0d: Why y0u didn’t listen t0 my prayer? Why it wasn’t the day I was there? Why it was s0 sudden? Why her? n n0t me? D0 y0u jeal0us that I l0ve her m0re than wh0ever la? Why d0nt y0u juz take me bef0re her? Why she always appeared in my dreams? S0metimes she said she l0ves me th0ugh s0metimes she just ign0red me! I really want her to be here. N0w! can? Why she always be there f0r me, near me? did she bec0me my guardian angel? I wish it Daddy G0d. please grant my 0nly truly wish. Juz d0 n0t misunderstand my l0ve t0ward her is different fr0m G0d’s l0ve. G0d is the 1st, hers the 2nd, parents, family n friends. Last time I felt that with0ut her, I’m just… whatever la acc0rding t0 y0ur will. “s0und s0 cruel” s0rry Daddy G0d, I juz layan ma s2pid thinking f0r a while~
“H0w evil and godless are the pe0ple of this day! You ask me for miracle? N0! The only miracle you will be given is the miracle of J0nah” Matthew 16: 4
I sh0uldnt ask s0mething that is absurd. I have Jesus, perfect l0ve. I sh0uld accept the fact th0ugh ~ that’s the best.