Date or Death?

Have you ever think of your own death? How its gonna be? Are you ready for your own death? Do you scared of dying? Honestly, Cory monteith's death was a wake up call for me. It make me do a lot of reflections unconsciously. Life is so short, spend it wisely especially with the one that you love. For me, my family ;)

Photo credit to Natasha Ch Photographer

Frankly, I am scared of death. Sometimes, I don't. Correction: many times, I don't. Lol! Yea. I am laughing.  I am willingly give my life for you. Correction: you, my beloved family members. I cant take the pain again to lost any of you, let me sacrifice myself in your place. Lord, hear my prayer. Your life is more valuable than me, your future. I love myself, but I love you all more than myself. I will not let my greed conquer me, if you need any organ in me, just take half of it with my free will, if I am still alive. Promise ;) If I go before y'all, please "donate" all the functional organs to the needy, I am okay to be buried in lacking rather than see the needy in suffering. This is my only last will. Lord, hear me. Dear my beloved family members, wo ai ni men 사랑해 pyaar heh, aishiteru, rak rak mak mak.

Dear late grandma, my mamatua, I miss you so much! So damn hurt much. It has been 4 years 3 months and 24 days. I cant forget that moment, I still cant believe it! It's like yesterday you were still right beside me, sleeping, hug me and staring at me without my knowledge. It was so clear. You leave me without telling me, I was in church that day you were gone. I was holding an olive oil for you as you ever complained about your numb and pain leg. Mom sms me saying that you fainted while I was in mass. I offered my prayer by begging God to take my life instead of yours or else take half of my life for you, till I meet you, pleaaassseee. I cant live without you, no! I cant! God, I am not greed but she is the one who loves me very much and sincere deep love me. She was the one whom I always called crying on phone during my matrix day, homesick. Dont. Please. I was "still" alone in church that time, 1st year. After many years, I accepted the fact that God loves you more than I do. Such a relieved. The least i can do for you mamatua, memories we created together were recited rosary with my reluctant faces and talk about God. Mamatua, now I know why you always pray for yourself especially your health. God, forgive me for judging my grandma's prayer, I wonder why she didnt pray for others? Coz she was not called to pray for others. Now I understood everyone has different calling, forgive me Lord. Lord, have mercy.

As a human being, we make mistakes all over again. Have we ever think to correct all the mistakes we have done? Have we ever thought about it? REPENT is the word. Haha..

I might not yet ready for my death, but my last will gonna be :

1. "Donating" all my useful organs for the needy, family, y'all need to make sure for needy.

2. My funeral mass' flower: red roses. I'll prepare money to buy all that, no worries.

3. My funeral mass songs: how great is our God-hillsong "favourite song", all for love-hillsong, "helene by MCR" however this one I dont think will be approved by church! Heheh... I have no idea of funeral songs. My late grandma's one all in kadazan. 

4. Family members, must smile when you wanna make last speech in front of my death face, with tears okay, must smile k ;) wink if you can. Mum, dad, ling, gung, yo n yi, I love you all sincerely and deeply. Muaxxx! Hehhe.. please dont cry. XD Jesus loves y'all. I pray in Jesus Christ' precious blood to seal and cover y'all from any harm. Amen. 

5. Burry me with my yellow Good news bible! My first and only english bible. Memories of my faith.

6. Some friends indeed must come with their flower or else postage the flower yea. Do tell my 2 special friends about it k, y'all know that, their photo in my previous2 blogs. Hahah...

I am pretty much have some idea for my funeral. I might be added some new ideas anytime. Do update yea. Hahaha... xp

Dear God, I pray for all souls in purgatory and anywhere around this world, may your holy touch bring them together with you in heaven. I pray especially for my grandma's soul, Laura Liew ah moi, liaw mui jin and wong ho siew. Please save their souls, bring all souls to heaven. Amen.

Hear me oh Lord from the deepest hope of your humble sinner's heart. Amen. Only You can understand my prayer Lord. Thank you Lord.

"Jesus said to them, “When you pray, say this, ‘Father:

May your holy name be honored; may your Kingdom come. Give us day by day the food we need. Forgive us our sins, for we forgive everyone who does us wrong. And do not bring us to hard testing.’"~Luke 11: 2-4