I've been praying so hard, You are so close yet I feel so far. Why? why? why? 왜? 왜? 왜? 몰라... 훟!! I just need your tangible feedback maybe a nudge from an angel. Wooaaa... As if I can feel it. 하하! Yea, you know sort of thing~
To be honest, since I came back from Kuch, «see my previous blog» Life has been so uncertain, hard, full of gravel, challenging due to the all of sudden problems, spiritual walfare, spiritually tired, or maybe I am too sensitive?
Tell me why my Life is full with misery? Why others...? Why...? Why I need to face all the problems as I reach that place? why and why and why? Thats the famous word that I always throw to God. Hahaha... Dont you feel like wanna kiss me? Kiss me with your palm. Huh? huh? hahha!
I realized that My relationship with God start to... you know~ I know you dont know, so listen:: I think I love you, but the love is kinda almost fade lar God. Maybe... Yeaa... We can just be close friend instead of best friend, I msg you, you reply. You msg me, Let me think 1st whether should I reply you or not coz Your msg is almost the same like the previous one. So You please tell me, should I reply??? Since I missed everything I love after starting working life, I feel so alone in this world. Hardly to feel You lar God. Your msgs sound so old school to me, maybe some part of me giving up on You. I didnt mean it but eventually I did it. From time to time, I hardly see your msgs. You wanna know why? coz I switch off my other phone, the number you always contacted me. I know I am bad. It is because I dont wanna see Your msg, then cry and blame myself for being not the old me and blame You for being so kind to me. You understand me more than I know myself, but I dont wanna know all that coz its killing me inside! Slicing my heart slowly, its so painful like the pain that I've gone thru. Your encouragement is like a sword can make me feel more hurtful < that time lar>
If you wanna say:: family? I only can count my Lifefire family which I managed to join them 2 times only. That is the time that I actually just can release my stress however cant feel Him, my prayer cant reach lar. Can you imagine that? I cant feel Him, how sad is that, obviously a sinner to-be. I only can feel the people lar. Hehehe... Not only that, after I feel high a bit, there will be always thing make you down, ON THE DAY ITSELF. How sad~ Arghh.. Who cares? I care actually .
From time to time, I said to myself: Val, be strong, all the problems are just a piece of cake for God to handle all that. Its my mind saying that, not my heart. However I agree with my mind. Actually, one of the reason I am happie is because Friends of mine:: from Kuch n Miri are the close faith that actually make me feel excited with all things! Heard that they wanna come was the best thing ever! Even though we are not connected very much on that time but I make a promise to myself to be strong! Never let myself down. Seek ye 1st the kingdom of God.
Before the date come! 1st of Nov . Eh... No... 31st of Oct.. Yea.. I feel that all the stress burdened me, my mum msg me saying that I have been changed lar, I dont tell her my holiday lar, they wanna make soul mass lar, all the things lar that make me worry much! Why? why? why? why now? Part of me feel guilty for not able to attend soul mass for my late grandma. On that day itself, Feel like wanna tell Nick and Pat that I cant join them. Actually I did, in joking way saying it. Haha... But the verse "let the death bury itself you come follow me".
Thank you God! It was a relieve that You sent Your two precious prince and princess of God to rescue me! Perfect time! Your time is always perfect, perfect for everything! You make things possible! I still cant believe that my 5 days holiday approved as well!!! Epic interview session ever!! I believe that God is with me during interview!! Muahahaha!!! Journey to Kaingaran was cool and fruitful. God's grace and blessing. Thank God for making it possible especially with unplanned plan! Praise You.
"This God - how perfect are his deeds, how dependable his words! He is like a shield for all who seek his protection. The lord alone is God. God alone is our defence. This God is my strong refuge. He makes my pathway safe. He makes me sure-footed as a deer; he keeps me safe on the mountains. He trains me for battle, so that I can use the strongest bow." ~2 Samuel 22:29-35
Daddy God, You are epic and hilarious XD I love you. 사랑해요 ^ ^ ♥♥♥ （≧∇≦）
